I was seven years old, and for one of the first times, one of my sisters brought a fresh box of donuts for the family to enjoy. We had a big family and we were poor, so everyone only got a small piece of a donut.
It was so delicious. Wow. Scrumptious. So different, yet so tasty. But so little? It was gone before I knew it.
One donut was saved for somebody who wasn’t home. It might have been saved for my brother, which I thought was unfair. Why are things always saved for him when he’s never home? I’m home, so I should get privileges.
The donut was kept in the fringe, and I was told not to touch it. I was specifically warned not to eat that donut!
That evening, there wasn’t anybody home. I was bored. I thought to myself, “That was such a good donut. Maybe I could just go smell it!”
I went into the fridge and found that donut in the top compartment, right underneath the freezer. I grabbed the donut, then I took a bite out of it. It was so good. I thought that a bite wasn’t a big deal. I left the kitchen and went back to roam around the apartment.
Then, I couldn’t help myself. I decided to go back into the kitchen have another bite. It was so good. Then I started to roam around the apartment again.
This pattern continued until the donut was good. Was I thinking that nobody would notice the donut gone?
When my mom came home that night, she asked me what happened with the donut? I don’t remember if I tried to lie or not, but she knew the truth either way.
I got a big spanking for eating the donut when I was specifically told not to. I was upset, and I made my mom upset. Why did I do this? Was that donut really worth it?
It’s like I was controlled by something or somebody else. I didn’t want to eat that donut, but somehow I did. Am I really in control of my actions? How do I get myself into these messes?
It seems that life hasn’t changed much into my adulthood.